Being marked a “first generation underrepresented low-income” student in undergrad always seemed to mean something. Whether it was a better financial aid package, access to programs and organizations, or empathy from understanding professors, there seemed to be an active struggle to find support for students in positions like myself.
Since being in graduate school, I have quickly learned that graduate students are homogenized and invisibilized in ways that I would never have anticipated. Generically designed funding packages are handed out with no regard to individual circumstances and positionalities. Despite being disadvantaged in some ways, I’m aware of the fact that I am a U.S. citizen and can therefore work jobs on top of my TA-ship, which I have done since stepping foot on this campus. This is a privilege I do not take for granted, though I underline and emphasize that working multiple jobs comes with its own stressors.
Since being in graduate school, I have quickly learned that graduate students are homogenized and invisibilized in ways that I would never have anticipated.
Some people see my life and think that it is together. I am the daughter of immigrants who were able to attain successes that seem small to some, but are huge feats, such as being homeowners. My parents have always struggled to make ends meet, providing for our immediate family and for all of our extended family in my family’s homeland. My dad worked a swing shift and my mom graveyard shifts my whole life to ensure a parent was with us kids at all times. Seeing them carry such a heavy weight for the majority of their lives made it clear to me that as soon as I was able to become independent, I would need to learn to stand alone to help take a load off of their shoulders.
I’m a single woman living in Santa Barbara looking for housing because graduate student housing is kicking me out in June to renovate and I’ve used up my guaranteed housing years. The anxiety I am having about my housing situation is not something I can ignore or try to push to the back of my mind. My mom is on my case about dating and finding a partner to alleviate some of my financial burdens (and it's also a cultural thing that a woman should be married before 30), reminding me what I already know–bills would be cheaper if they were split in two! Subsidized family housing would be an option for me if I had a partner! Yet, dating is the farthest thing from my mind when I’m juggling multiple jobs, a full course load, the expectation that we are also supposed to be seeking out external funding (which is a full-time job in itself!), student orgs, and maintaining my mental health. Santa Barbara already is a difficult place to live with the lack of diversity and culture. The excessive cost of living here only exacerbates the internal battles I have on a daily basis about being a graduate student at UCSB.
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